Before my first marriage ended, I insisted through the turmoil that, from the beginning, I was the same person. It was a truth firm enough to cause many of the arguments that doomed us, one of the seeds that eventually grew into the bitter end.

Despite the signs of a shifting value system, pain and my insistence of an unvarying self over twenty years were the only constants during the most difficult time in our dividing lives. But, the reality of it didn’t matter — I told myself whatever it took to sustain the change.

I lied to myself to get through. I believed what was obviously untrue. If you judge me, then consider we all do the same thing to bear the stress of living. It is human nature to do whatever it takes to make it happen, because the alternative is death.

We call people crazy who don’t live in our reality. I used to mock them. But now I even admire the delusional; at least they freely live in their own reality without guilt.